All you really need to do, after all, is to start inviting people to play with you, and also let people know you’re interested in receiving such invitations. But if you pre-reject yourself for having such desires, then of course you won’t take these actions, and you’ll be denied a lot of fun, learning, and growth.
Physically speaking, these aren’t complicated actions. If you simply invite enough people, and if you invite invitations by being more open and less secretive, the chances are good that you’ll find at least one quality match sooner or later. Ok, that’s two words, but in my experience and that of many readers, trying to convince someone to become interested in D/s play is like pulling teeth. I wouldn’t bother trying to convince someone to try D/s if they’re hesitant or resistant because the overall experience will suck for all involved.
Consider that if you’re going to spend so much of your life dealing with various aspects of authority, you might as well take the time to explore and understand this aspect of reality more thoroughly. I understand the reasons for keeping this part of your life a secret, but if you do that, I think it will be very difficult to find a good partner, unless you already have access to a D/s-friendly community of some kind.
A terrific way to do that is through play, where you can feel free to explore and experiment without such severe consequences if you make a mistake. Being ashamed of your genuine interests is understandable perhaps, but it’s a foolish and immature way to live.
What if you really want to try D/s, but you’re in a long-term relationship with a disinterested partner? You can leave that relationship and find a more compatible partner.
You can convert to an open relationship and enjoy D/s play with interested partners on the side.
Ok, let’s talk about the practicalities of getting started…
If there isn’t mutual willingness, you’re going to have a very hard time creating a win-win situation. If you want to try D/s, then communicate that with your partner.
You fall into a routine and begin looping through familiar patterns, which can become less engaging over time.
For most people I’ve talked to, this usually happens within a timeframe of 6-18 months after the relationship begins.
So this article is specifically for such people who’d like a gentle introduction to D/s play and some tips to get started.
I think this can be especially helpful for people who don’t consider themselves kinky but who’d still like to indulge in the stimulating fun of D/s play to spice up their connections.