They write, "Do you ever ask yourself, 'What happened to the guy I fell in love with?
Is he in there somewhere, hidden behind the beer-stained sweatsuit and three-day stubble?
"Much research suggests that women have roundabout ways of telling their partners what they need." For instance, Bell says she used to make generalized requests of her husband such as "Please take out the trash." What Bell meant was, "Please take out the trash in the next 15 minutes." What her husband heard was, "Please take out the trash sometime this weekend." Separation from your husband isn't necessary, they claim, although it may be the only way to force change.
The main point is, "once you've determined that making a change is really important, you must take a course of action and stick to it. So are garages, the back seat of the family sedan, and maybe a secluded corner of a public park, if the spirit so moves.
"Then, play with the fruits they agree are in the garden," he says.
"That cuts down a lot of wear and tear sexually." Other conference participants included Anne and Brian Bercht, an Abbotsford, B.
"The biggest obstacle to change was actually to tell ourselves 'I deserve better,' " they write.
But in reality there is so many other reasons why divorces happen: [Statistical Information from UK management consultants Grant Thornton.] Sexuality: Sometimes couples just aren't getting enough, or they just wanna a break from all the wham-bam-thank-you-mam. Emotional and physical abuse were more evenly split, with women affected in 60% and men in 40% of cases.
The book's example scorecard includes such items as: don't take your anger out on me; do your own laundry; share the yardwork; teach each kid a sport; help plan birthday parties; don't turn every back rub into sex; stop paying ATM fees.
Under a category called "Evolve," they asked their husbands to "find a therapist" and "be honest with yourself." "You must step back from your relationship and, to the best of your ability, look at it as you would a business problem," they advise.
The new openness is not just an attempt to keep the oh God! Couples should draft a "sexual agreement" as to how often they will have sex, and to share responsibility for initiating it.
He also advises they create a "sexual garden" of acceptable acts.