“You pick exactly which girl you want, when you want her—you control everything,” he said.
“It was pure pleasure without the stuff of reality.”During John’s first year out of prison, his parents were confident that he was “straightening out.” He, too, felt that he was on track to acquire the “trappings of success: a wife, a house, children, a beautiful garden.” Then the conditions of his supervised release were loosened, permitting him access to the Internet.
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The first time he saw nude models was in middle school, when he discovered a copy of belonging to his father.
He was surprised and disappointed that the models weren’t his age.
After a week of conversations, she asked John if he was “r/l” (real life) about the meeting, and when he said that he was she sent him a soft-focus digital image of a girl who she said was her fourteen-year-old sister. “She still has some of her baby fat, she’s kinda embarrassed.” Undeterred, John described how the three of them would enjoy one another’s company: they could have sex in the shower or in a field of flowers. He insisted that he had invented his sexual exploits to impress Indy-Girl. The average sentence is now a hundred and nineteen months, which is about the same as the average punishment for a physical sex crime.
When male classmates boasted about their sexual escapades, John made up his own.
He’d spent long periods of his life absorbed in role-playing games, like Dungeons & Dragons—he became so caught up in this world that he nearly flunked out of college—and the Society for Creative Anachronism, a club that reënacts aspects of medieval culture.
His mother believed that John might have ignored Indy-Girl if only he’d been less “prone to fantasy.”John’s imagined sexual encounters had always surpassed his real ones.
He paid for the majority of his sexual encounters; he lost his virginity at the age of nineteen to a prostitute at a twenty-four-hour health spa, he said.
Pornography became an outlet for assuming an invented role.