“Why is it that a guy fiercely pursues a woman at first, and then when he finds out she is actually interested he is not so sure if he is interested anymore? For background, I’m 29, live in Australia, and I’ve been on 5 dates with this guy so far but we haven’t kissed yet.” — Sheila Well well.
And then his interest wanes and he starts treating her like an option instead of a priority? An excellent question that has been posed by women since time immemorial.
He thinks you’re really cool and sexy, likes you a lot, but knows that if you two started dating seriously, you mesh so well you wouldn’t be able to break up, and you’re already 40 and not all that into having kids, and he kinda does want kids sometime this millennium. So you need to know what you’re getting yourself into, and to compare that with what you would like to get yourself into.
He likes you a lot — in fact, has nursed a crush on you for years — but suddenly finds himself allergic to your high-functioning alcoholism that he’s just discovered. If you want fling and he’s thinking ring, there’s no .
In the meantime, an endless panoply of potentially better choices are just a swipe, click or happy hour mixer away. If you think this is lame and stupid, I wholeheartedly agree. In my naïveté, I even considered one of the ladies to be marriage material. ANTIDOTE: This is not the kind of thing you can prevent or control. The key take-away from this is that you should not take such vanishings personally.
As a result, nobody’s willing to invest a whole hell of a lot of themselves in anything. I also urge you to stop doing it yourself, so at the very least you’re part of the solution, not the problem. In the space of one week, one’s aunt died, and the other one’s father committed suicide by drinking Drano. Now, if you’re already pretty well-bonded, these catastrophic events may even make you seek solace and support in one another, strengthening your bond. after first date), it just blows things apart like a roadside improvised explosive device. Even when you’re 100% sure it’s about you, it’s almost never about you.
When were you planning on taking me out again, big boy? Then I met this really cute, supersmart adventurous grad student at a party. But if we’re going to continue, I like to have depth in my relationships, and it’s difficult to get deep with you if I know there are other women involved.
And hey, maybe I was just flattering myself and they weren’t that into me either.
Most non-sociopathic men aren’t out to deliberately hurt women.
We’re all interconnected at some level, and causing distress in another person causes distress in ourselves. And at a very primitive level, remember that men enjoy the chase.
So let’s go through some scenarios to make sense of this and maybe give you some tools for handling it in the future. There are forces that strengthen the bond between two people, and forces that weaken it. Now remember that in the beginning of any relationship — what we call “dating” — the bond is fragile at best, and nonexistent at worst. Early on, people will eliminate a perfectly decent human from contention as Mr or Ms Right based on the most trivial and even spurious data that has little bearing on how well they’ll get along as a couple. In the course of your brief courtship with someone, there’s always a chance that weird shit could happen.
For example, seeing a lot of each other generally strengthens the bond. Kissing and sex create bonding, since you’re producing bonding chemicals like oxytocin, which is why they’re called bonding chemicals. If the net forces bonding a couple are greater than those separating them, they tend to stay together. Two strangers are gambling on each other, hoping something may come of it. I’m sorry, what do you mean you don’t like the Grateful Dead, or hip-hop, or sushi, or my sportsball team, or coffee, or tattoos? And with the length of courtship going from months (see: Emma by Jane Austen), to days (see: 20 their due is only getting worse. As a result, the stress levels of your paramour go through the roof, and your budding romance goes from Priority #1 to #73, right between “start watercolor lessons” and “re-string ukelele.” Here, let me share a story with you: some time ago, over the course of one week I had two first dates that I thought went reasonably well, concluding in semi-torrid makeout sessions.