When my torture began, he stood watching, laughing. My energetic body latched onto his in pure defiance. " had become me, and all I saw was the energy behind the troubled ocean of blue in his eyes, and the love in spite of all the pain he had passed on to me.This was the third time that my entire being became filled with an otherworldly force. I was led away to a small room, and strapped onto a butcher's block.One 14-year-old from Florida was tricked into believing he was talking to a girl, then blackmailed into repeatedly raping his one-year-old niece.Leighton threatened the teenager that he would post videos of the abuse online if he did not do more.This was the only positive in my life, and I clung to it as my only raft to keep from drowning in a sea of shame and self-loathing. Not since the first time I had been brought to an orgy, four years earlier, had I expressed my true feelings. Read More: I Was Raped by a Fellow Freshman & My College Found Him Innocent: Aspen Mattis Shares Her Story"You think I like it here? This interaction started the most intense year of my life, in which I would feel more than ever loved, seen, and understood, and would be more than ever abused, all by that same young man.After four years of surviving the network, when I was 10, a new guest brought along his 20-year-old son: tall, dashing, blond, and blue-eyed. A year later, when he was through with me, I was of no use to the network anymore, and was to be killed.My instant thought was: "If this is true, I'm going to kill myself."I was too identified with the experience, and the shame was too great.
Trippy, spacey music was oozing through the atmosphere and most people were too high to notice me. He looked scared, but he held my gaze for a brief moment, and seemed to feel for me. I never saw him again in the network, but years later I did spot him on TV. The teacher had been calling on me, and I had been too spaced out to hear.
And society still values the career person over the survivor.
Power addicts, world leaders, and corrupt politicians who abuse children are themselves like children who never grew up, driven to power to avoid ever feeling the humiliation of child abuse again, unconsciously seeking revenge from a place of hurt by recycling the abuse. Those of us who have suffered sexual abuse, incest or sex trafficking need to learn to harness our survival strength on our own behalf, so we can heal our damaged ego, and channel that strength to lead the way towards a future in which former victims conquer by love, understanding and compassion for all.
My mother sold me, and drove me wherever, whenever she got the call. Their faces were familiar to the masses, while I was confronted with the dark side of their power addiction — the side no one would believe existed.
The boss of this pedophile network was a Belgian cabinet minister. I came across VIP's, European heads of state, and even a member of a royal family.